One of the challenging aspects of erectile dysfunction is not the condition itself. Talking about it with one’s partner can be equally troublesome. Though changes in ideas have occurred over the years, it is still difficult for a man to ‘confess’ to impotence. The impact to his self-esteem is often real and substantial, even in cases when he understands the cause is purely organic and outside his influence.
But failure to communicate honestly and openly with one’s partner can only make a bad situation worse. It can result in a vicious cycle of both the patient and the partner believing they are unattractive or no longer desired and reduce the sexual attraction. Even if the partner discovers that a physical cause underlies the ED, shutting one out from the treatment process harms intimacy. One naturally wants to be supportive and not being part of the process, which inevitably follows or accompanies lack of discussion, frustrates that wish. The impact to both parties is a deepening of the problem. The only outcome is to have the strength and wisdom to be honest about the issue.
Taking a partner into your confidence reduces the difficulty in a number of ways. The most obvious is that it removes any uncertainty about some possible sources of the problem. Partners who assume they’re no longer desired can become anxious and may seek to end the relationship. At minimum, anger and resentment are the most frequent outcomes.
Open discussion can head that off before it festers into a bigger problem. In the case when the underlying cause is medical, it’s predictable for some men to want to ‘be tough’, to want to avoid loading their partner with ‘their problem’. But ED is the challenge of both parties, even when it affects the patient most directly. The condition can be the result of more subtle influences, such as worry over work, depression from a negative view of one’s future or other psychological state.
Having a honest talk with the wife, girlfriend or gay lover can prevent the problem from being amplified. Begin by obtaining the best possible medical diagnosis. Ask probing questions about the available treatments, including their possible risks and benefits. Knowing the facts, be willing to share all that information and seek advice from your partner.
Having the perspective of a trusted person, one with whom you share intimate moments, can contribute to make ED a relatively minor issue and improve sex drive.
